Some people like to try new things, for example, places to visit and types of food. Other people prefer to keep doing things they are familiar with. Discuss both these attitudes and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In this day and age, more and more people try to discover various destinations and diverse types of food,while others are likely to continue doing something that is familiar to them. In my point of view, I advocate for the latter statement and this essay will discuss two aspects of this problem. First and foremost, travelling to many new refreshing places might help people change the boring atmosphere that they need to witness every day or some people yearn to taste a bunch of different cuisines all over the world.Even though change can bring a wide range of benefits to humans such as new knowledge, and new experience, it also involves some shortcomings.The adaptations and the embarrassment of the new life might be the pivotal causes that hinder people from stepping out of their comfort zones. For example, it takes time to pick up a new hobby or a new food. In addition, first time going visitors have to struggle with making acquaintances with strangers. Secondly, choosing to carry out the ongoing familiar tasks helps everyone become stably developed.Not only did a person have momentum on the way of solving a daily basic work but, he also is able to save time to learn new things again, which led to sustainable growth. Compare to the more adventurous counterpart, they seem more likely to change consistently in order to meet their desire for exploring new areas and new tastes. All in all, staying in an old traditional place could bring a lot of benefits.However, I totally agree with the idea that it is better to make a lot of effort to pursue the things that belong to you.
In this day and age, more
try to discover various destinations
while others are likely to
continue doing something
In my point of view,
and this essay will discuss
two aspects of this problem
the boring atmosphere
all over the world.Even though
a wide range of benefits
The adaptations and the embarrassment
first time going visitors
making acquaintances with strangers
become stably developed
Not only did a person
which led to sustainable growth
Compare to the more adventurous counterpart,
old traditional place
However, I totally agree with the idea that it is better
the things that belong to you.
Position Analysis: Your position is clearly stated ("I advocate for the latter statement") and consistently maintained throughout. You successfully address both parts of the question - discussing adventurous people and those preferring familiarity.
Argument Development: Your main arguments cover practical benefits (time-saving, stability) and challenges (adaptation difficulties, embarrassment). However, some ideas like "sustainable growth" need deeper explanation of how familiarity leads to this outcome.
Evidence & Examples: You provide relevant scenarios (picking up new hobbies, making acquaintances with strangers), but examples could be more specific. Instead of general statements, try: "For instance, learning Japanese might take 2-3 years of consistent practice, while improving existing English skills could yield faster professional benefits."
Question Coverage: Both viewpoints receive adequate attention, though the "trying new things" perspective could benefit from stronger advantages before presenting challenges.
Content Enhancement Strategies:
- Use claim-warrant-impact structure: "Staying with familiar activities (claim) reduces learning curves (warrant), allowing deeper expertise development (impact)"
- Include opposing viewpoint acknowledgment: "While critics argue familiarity breeds stagnation, this overlooks the compound benefits of mastery"
- Add real-world case studies or research findings to strengthen credibility
Band-Specific Roadmap: For Band 7, develop more nuanced arguments that acknowledge complexity and provide stronger supporting evidence with specific details and examples.
Paragraph Structure: Your introduction effectively establishes context and position. Body paragraphs have clear topics, but paragraph 2 lacks a strong topic sentence - consider opening with "The primary challenge of embracing novelty lies in the adaptation difficulties people face."
Linking Devices: You use basic transitions ("First and foremost," "Secondly," "All in all") correctly but could enhance sophistication. The phrase "Even though" effectively introduces contrast, showing good cohesive awareness.
Logical Flow: Ideas progress logically from benefits to challenges to personal stance. However, the connection between sentences like "it takes time to pick up a new hobby" and "first time going visitors have to struggle" could be smoother.
Specific Improvements:
- Replace "First and foremost" with "Initially" or "To begin with" for variety
- Add topic sentence to paragraph 2: "Despite these potential benefits, pursuing novelty presents significant challenges"
- Use pronoun reference: change second "people" to "they" in paragraph 1
- Link conclusion better: "Given these considerations" instead of "All in all"
Practical Examples: Your sentence "Compare to the more adventurous counterpart, they seem more likely to change consistently" could be rewritten as: "In contrast to their more adventurous counterparts, traditional individuals tend to adapt more gradually to meet evolving circumstances."
Vocabulary Range: You show good variety with phrases like "diverse types of food," "refreshing places," "pivotal causes," and "sustainable growth." Your attempt at academic vocabulary ("In this day and age," "advocate for") demonstrates awareness of formal register.
Precision: Some word choices need refinement. "Continue doing something" is too vague - use "maintain familiar activities" or "pursue established interests." The phrase "change consistently" is imprecise - consider "adapt continuously" or "evolve constantly."
Academic Style: Your register is generally appropriate, though some expressions could be more academic. "In my point of view" should be "From my perspective" or "In my opinion."
Collocations: Good use of "wide range of benefits" and "comfort zones." However, "old traditional place" is redundant - use "familiar environment" instead.
Specific Enhancements:
- Replace "try to discover" with "explore" or "venture into"
- Use "conduct research" instead of "do research" in academic contexts
- Vary "people" with "individuals," "persons," "they" to avoid repetition
- Replace "a bunch of different cuisines" with "diverse culinary experiences"
Word Choice Examples: "The things that belong to you" is unclear - specify as "personal interests and established skills" to improve clarity and precision.
Sentence Variety: You effectively mix simple ("It takes time to pick up a new hobby"), compound ("change can bring benefits, it also involves shortcomings"), and complex sentences ("Even though change can bring...it also involves..."). Your attempt at inversion shows grammatical ambition.
Advanced Structures: Good use of conditional structures and relative clauses. The phrase "which led to sustainable growth" shows awareness of relative clauses, though tense needs correction to "which leads to."
Error Patterns: Main issues are subject-verb agreement and tense consistency. "Not only did a person have momentum" incorrectly uses past tense - should be "Not only does a person gain momentum" for general truths.
Specific Corrections:
- Inversion error: "Not only did a person have momentum on the way of solving a daily basic work" → "Not only does a person gain momentum in solving daily tasks" (present tense + natural phrasing)
- Participle error: "Compare to the more adventurous counterpart" → "Compared to their more adventurous counterparts" (past participle + plural agreement)
- Punctuation: "all over the world.Even though" → "all over the world. Even though" (space after period)
Structure Suggestions:
- Try conditional: "If people focus on familiar activities, they can develop deeper expertise"
- Use participle phrase: "Having considered both perspectives, I believe familiarity offers greater long-term benefits"
Progressive Improvement: Practice subject-verb agreement with complex subjects and master present tense usage for general statements to reach Band 7 accuracy standards.
Strengths Recognition:
Your essay successfully demonstrates understanding of the discuss-both-views format, with clear position statements like "I advocate for the latter statement" and balanced coverage of both perspectives on trying new things versus maintaining familiar routines.
Strategic Advice:
Practical Action Items:
Score Progression Path:
To reach Band 7, focus on eliminating grammatical errors while maintaining sentence variety, and develop more nuanced arguments with stronger supporting evidence. Your structural understanding is solid - now refine accuracy and depth.